Porteno and Gardel's Bar

I just might be the only person in Sydney who does not think this place is worth the wait, time, money, or calories.

Porteno is an Argentinian style BBQ restaurant that is crazy busy, crazy big and does not take bookings. We went here on a Friday night, we arrived at 6: 45 expecting a long wait, the hostess said we would be seated at 8 or 8:30 and it seemed by her facial expressions that she was trying to dissuade us from waiting. We are huge fans of Bodega their other restaurant, plus it smelled amazing so a wait would not deter us. As we headed upstairs I did have a nagging doubt that this place would live up to the hype, it is so very big and kind of reminded me of a giant themed restaurant at Universal CityWalk or Downtown Disney, not a good comparison for quality food. I brushed that nagging doubt aside and we went upstairs to their bar Gardel's Bar to wait out our sentence. We started with a Dark and Stormy and an El Nino, both were fantastic. They were fresh, unique and a decent size not huge but enough. The waitress takes your order on a wireless pad and since there is no waiting time for her to walk to a computer and key the order in, the drinks were at our table in minutes. We ordered Kingfish Sashimi on Tortilla and Meatballs. The Kingfish was a fresh and flavorful dish that I would go back for and was a bit like ceviche but not as bitey. The meatballs were huge and good, but meatballs just do not get my heart racing. Just like the drinks the food was out in break neck speed. If you are wondering why a restaurant like this does not take bookings it becomes pretty clear as you wait in their bar drinking $18 cocktails for an hour plus. The service in Gardel's was outstanding, and not just for Sydney, it was genuinely good, it was so good in fact, I almost felt uncomfortable at first, since good service in Sydney is extinct, that uncomfortable feeling passed really quickly.

At 8:30 pm we were taken downstairs and seated at a table that was right by a wall and a door, it could not have been more than 15'C. I wore my winter coat over my sweater and jacket and was still chilly. When our waitress arrived it was clear she must not have made the cut for the upstairs rock star crew. She stormed over, did not offer a perfunctory greeting, like hello, that would have taken too much energy, then quickly and with about as much emotion as a snail recited the special, flicked her too long in her eyes on one side bangs, turned on her heel and left us ordering our drinks into the air to no one. For a brief second I thought she may have just been the special reciter, you know like the water person, or the expeditor or the busser.

When she came back we ordered drinks, mains and sides in one swoop. Just like upstairs they came quickly but minus the smiling caring service. We started with bread that should have been a clue of what to come. It tasted like stale supermarket bread rolls. I have found that if a place does not care about their bread they usually miss other marks. We ordered the 8hr pork, grilled radicchio with roasted root vegetables and polenta and cheese. I had heard the 8 hr pork was a standout dish, to me it was bland and tasteless and the meat did not seem to be the highest quality. Between two people with normally VERY hearty appetites we barely made a dent in it. We both agreed it just was not worth going in for seconds. We did not even finish the crackling! SHAME! It tasted as bland as if you put it in your slow cooker walked away and served it up when it looked done. They bring two sauces to pair with the pork, the garlic one was so overpowering that after one small bite of it my tastebuds were useless, garlic was all I could taste. I am not sure where the root veggies were in the radicchio dish, I could not find them and the radicchio was really bitter. The polenta and cheese was good, I could not fault this dish and we finished this one.

I was so over the whole scene of bad service, freezing temperatures and subpar overrated food that we skipped dessert and coffee/after dinner drinks and asked for the bill. She forgot and we waited for about 10 minutes for her to remember.

Good: Gardels is a wonderful stylized place for a standout drink and great tapas style food. The service is outstanding. Wireless order entry makes for speedy service.
Bad: Sub-artic temps, poor service, lackluster food.
Ugly: Waiting a hour and half to eat at overrated Porteno's.

Brasstacks: If you are dying to try this place, go with a large group so you can book, actually, if you are dying to try this place, go to Four in Hand instead. They do the meat thing and everything else right.